So Father,
I have to be honest,
because you allow everything
to be within me.
If you are my consciousness,
aren’t you just chatting with yourself?
How can something pure and perfect,
be my being, my incarnation.
I hate this game,
and this makes me downcast,
miserable in my unknowing.
How can some
revel in the darkness
forever surrounding You,
or has that light crossed over,
becoming overspreading gloom?
Stop crying like a baby,
grow up you whimpering child,
why are you so weak,
disheveled and hidden,
behind a dumpster,
life as trash.
Many lose hope,
but what do you know of that,
you live in luxury.
amid your self-imposed
poverty.
Gloomy today, hey?
Father, are you gloomy
or is it just me,
trapped again in the illusion,
the dimming vision,
God apprehended
only to be lost again.
Father, what do you know of pain and sorrow,
even if you descend,
you came from glorious light,
so even in the darkness,
you shine.
What do you know of poverty,
of sickness, death and war,
and if you know of it,
by participating with me,
what does that make you.
How can you remain clear and bright,
as the darkness flows through you,
how can you be me.
How can I ever be a child
or a God?
Maybe I should just live my life,
and lock you away,
in a dungeon beyond my soul,
or disgust you with my sinning,
so you will finally run away.
For if I cannot know you,
I cannot apprehend your form,
I cannot create the perfect image,
of what you are in me,
are you really here,
quietly resting, so I can pass through You.
Why would you create a system.
a shimmering, yet faulty tower,
that should be made of brightest light,
but that is filled with bitterness
and the pain of separation.
I know you are Higher,
but how can that be,
if your truly have descended,
to be the Light of my Being?
How can the manifestation
be less than the conception of it,
and a gift unimportant
when compared to the giver’s heart?
The widow’s mite is glorified,
while the fortune of the rich
are meant to be cast away?
Father, Mother, I hope and pray,
that You are not perfect,
if I live to save you,
as you indwell to save me,
than my life has purpose,
as we become perfected
through imperfection.
Of all the things we can possess,
there are just a few,
that are jewels to me,
Light, Love, Truth,
I would give all I am.
to rest in the knowledge
of All things.
I read the Gnostics and wonder,
how you could ever allow,
such a malevolent system,
to exist within you.
And then you spoke the Word,
that brought it All forth,
there had to be the tension,
the competing of opposites,
for us to be free
as we dwell within You.
All right, I won’t be a baby.
crying and bawling again,
I will be strong,
I will abandon my vulnerability,
I will turn from you. if I must
and pretend You don’t exist.
Because I can’t bear unknowing,
I am no saint in a quiet cell,
I will just move along,
abandoning You,
to your own devices,
free from my inquiring mind.
Go then,
Go away,
hide from me,
and I will hide from you
And where does that leave us, again?